Ziva and Snape
by ILoveMarilynManson
Summary: Ziva/Snape
1. Chapter 1: Ziva

Ziva, or Z as her friends called her, stomped down the stairs for breakfast, knowing that if she didn't, Ron would be the first to get there. You see, she had been taken in by Molly and Arthur Weasly as her mother did not want her.

"Sup, guys," Ziva said, grinning as she plonked herself between Ron and Hermione. Seeing the pained look on Ron's face, she hastily moved to sit next to Fred, who gave her a huge grin.

"Looking forward to going to school, then?" he muttered. Ziva, whose mouth was full of food, just nodded. Truthfully, she was terrified. Fred had told her that if she wanted to be a Gryffindor, she'd have to fight a troll. I don't even know what a troll is, she thought, but it doesn't matter, because I know kung-fu. She was interrupted from her kung-fu dream by Molly ambling down the stairs saying,

"Good heavens, you lot! You're up early, aren't you?" Z gave her a huge grin. Fred muttered something about getting ready for school and ran upstairs. Z followed him, hoping for the chance to speak with him alone. So such luck. George bounded out his room just as she was about to enter it. Her short, black hair fell into her eyes as the door banged into her, sending her flying.

"Oops, didn't see you there," George said, a devilish smile playing on his lips. Z stuck her tongue out at him and continued on to Fred's room. Pah, Z thought, packing for school my eyeballs! He's watching TV! Cheeky beggar! She coughed to get his attention and nearly wet herself with mirth as he jumped.

"Why you -" he began

"- cheating, lying, dirty little scumbag!" Molly finished for him. She was standing in the doorway. Molly gave Z a small smile, which she returned. Fred glared at the both of them. Z gave him one of her dazzling smiles.


	2. Chapter 2: ziva's arrival

The train began to chug away just as Z was boarding it. Fred was still not speaking to her, but she didn't mind. She'd just talk to someone else. She lurched down the aisle and found an empty apartment. Well, almost empty. A large lump was stuffed in the corner. Z resisted the urge to prod it, but it was difficult. She pulled out her favourite book and began to read. She was so engrossed in this book that she did not see Malfoy, Harry Potter's arch enemy slip through the door.

"So, you're part of the Weasel clan now are you?" Malfoy said, smirking at the thought of it. Z didn't even look up as she said, all matter-of-factly,

"Why don't you go sleep with a cow for a day, dig a ditch, and poop with a pinecone shoved up your butt, hmm?" Malfoy stared at her as she returned to her reading. The lump, which Z had mistaken for a discarded robe, began to stir. Z gave Malfoy her most beautiful smile and waved him out of the door. Surprisingly, Malfoy obliged, though still staring. The lump sat up and groaned. The boy underneath the robe was about Z's age. She gave him one of her best smiles. The boy's eyes widened in fear.

"Hey," Z said, smiling, "I'm not going to hurt you. Look, I know my Punk appearance don't do no good, but I promise on my life that I aren't going to hurt you!" The boy smiled weakly and said in the most English accent that Z had ever heard,

"That was ungrammatical, and as for the punk look, you're not intimidating!" Z smiled.

"What's your name," she asked, still smiling away like an idiot.

"Jared Simpson," he said, returning the smile, "and if you don't mind me saying so, you are very nice. And beautiful," he added, as an afterthought. Z let out a boyish laugh and shook her head. Jared and she continued to talk all the way to school.


	3. Chapter 3: Sorted

"Firs' years this way" Hagrid shouted, his massive hands waving around. He spotted Harry and grinned.

"Alright 'Arry?" he said, his grin growing. Harry gave him a thump on his massive arm.

"Speak to you soon!" Harry yelled as they were herded into the castle. Harry sat down next to Ron on the Gryffindor bench. Z tried to follow but Ron said,

"No, Z! You need to be sorted!"

"But I don't want to fight a troll!" Z whimpered, trembling visibly. Harry and Ron burst into hearty boy's laughter. Ron told her that it was just one of Fred's jokes. Z growled. Fred was a trouble maker!

"Jared Rodney Simpson!" McGonagall called into the mass of first years. The young boy that Z had befriended earlier stepped forward. After some time, he was placed in Gryffindor. Z gave him a playful smile and she swore she saw him blush.

"Ziva Castillo Moreno Johnson," McGonagall called, causing many of the Slytherins to titter. McGonagall silenced them with a glare. Z had barely even reached the hat before it screamed,

"GRYFFINDOR!" Z blinked several times before plonking herself beside George, who gave her a 'congratulations' smile.


	4. Chapter 4:Potions class

"There will be no foolish wand waving in this lesson, Miss Johnson!" Ziva hadn't even started her first potions class and she was already in trouble, just because she had taken out her wand, not knowing that Snape would pounce on any excuse to shout at her.

"I'm sorry sir, I didn't know!" Z stuttered, staring at her shoes. Snape was looking daggers at her!  
>"Ten points from Gryffindor for cheek, Miss Johnson!" Snape said, his eyes penetrating her. Z began to protest, but was silenced by a gesture from Snape. Damn him, she thought, I haven't even started and I'm in trouble! Harry gave her a sympathetic look, and carried on chopping up his spiders.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5: busted

"So, Johnson," Malfoy called, settled safely up a tree, "How's it going in that weasel's cave?" Z ignored him and carried on walking towards the lake. Frustrated, Malfoy slipped off the tree and threw a lump of owl dung at her. Z whirled around and shouted,

"Don't you dare throw that stuff at me! So, you're just going to throw shit at me all day long, huh?" but she was angry, and when she's angry she sounds American so what she said sounded like,

"Don' you dare frow dat stuff at meh! Sow, you're just gown throw sheyt at meh awl day lawg, huh?" Malfoy was in his element at this. He waggled his eyebrows at her and grinned evilly. That was the last straw for Z. She tackled him to the ground and began to pummel his face. Terrified, Malfoy reached for his wand, but Z was too quick for him. She wrestled it out of his hand and continued to mash his face. She was about to finish him off when Snape came tearing out the castle gate. He grabbed Malfoy and Z by their collars and dragged them inside. Once at his office, he wrenched open his door and shoved them inside.

"Explain," he said. His face was white and his eyes wide.

"Well," Z began but she was cut off by Malfoy saying,

"It was me, sir. I threw stuff at her and called her filthy names…" Z and Snape stared at him. Never before had Malfoy owned up to something!

"Very well," Snape muttered, "Miss Johnson, you may go!" Z started towards the door. Once there, she turned around and mouthed,

"Thank you!" Malfoy gave her a tiny nod. Z rushed to the common room at top speed. She couldn't wait to tell guys what had happened!


	6. Chapter 6: Trelawney

Z was snoring. Divination was extremely boring, and there was the heavy scent of perfume in the air. Trelawney, the divination teacher was droning on and on about something to do with orbs and the death of Harry. There was nothing new there. Z meanwhile was dreaming about purple clouds and green skies. She was rudely interrupted by Trelawney saying

"Johnson, dear, will you please recite your dream!" Z's head jerked as many of the other students laughed.

"Uh…yeah…okay…sure!" she muttered, "Uh…I was dreaming about…potions class!" Half the class sniggered and began to whisper absurd things about Snape and her. Trelawney eyed her wearily and sighed.

"Very well, dearest," she said, and she dismissed the class. Z was first out, gasping for breath, trying to rid her inners of the putrid stench. Ron came staggering down the stairs, muttering to himself. Z gave him a small grin, which he returned.

"c'mon, we've got to go to potions again!" Hermione said, rushing ahead of them. Z sighed, hitched her bag a little higher up her slender back and trudged after the others. Potions class definitely not her favourite.


	7. Chapter 7: Doodles

Snape eyed his class. He noticed that Ziva was doodling on her parchment. He stalked up to her desk and glanced down – and his heart skipped a beat. It was a portrait of him, in manga style. It was extremely life-like and it scared him. Z glanced up. Seeing him watching her, she quickly hid the parchment under her thigh and began to make up a ridiculous excuse but Snape cut her off by saying that she would receive a detention at six thirty. Grumbling, Z set to work on her potions, way behind the others. She was supposed to be making the Draught of peace but instead of turning green, it turned –

"Blue, Miss Johnson? I believe I told you to put ONE spider in…NOT half a jar." Z, with her head hung in humiliation and shame, discarded the messy substance. She was about to leave when Snape said

"Detention, Johnson!"

"But," Z said, "I've already got one!" Snape sighed and told her that she'd have a double detention, then. Muttering and moaning, Z stomped upstairs to the girl's dormitory. On the way, she met Malfoy.

"Hi," she said, offering him her hand. Malfoy hesitated before taking it and saying

"Hi! You're a Gryffindor…why do you want to talk to me?"

"I just wanted to thank you for…err…Saving me at Snape's office." Malfoy gave her a grin and a nod before sauntering away towards the Slytherin common room. Z sighed. He was nice when he wanted to be, she thought, smiling to herself. She glanced at her watch – and yelped. She had to get to Snape's office in three minutes! There was no way she'd manage it! She began to sprint towards the corridor, where Snape's office was. She arrived out of breath and only a couple of minutes late. Without knocking, Z entered. The room was empty. No one was in. Glancing around, Z noticed that there were a lot of muggle pictures of a red-headed woman with amazing green eyes. Harry's eyes, Z thought. So this must be Harry's mother, the woman Snape loved! She was just about to pick up the photo when a voice from the shadows muttered,

"Put it down, Miss Johnson. You know that you mustn't touch what isn't yours!" Z nearly wet herself! Snape stepped out from the shadows, glaring at her. Z began to stammer her apologies, when Snape cut her off. He pointed silently to ten to twelve cauldrons on the floor. His intention was clear. Z would have to clean them. Snape handed her a toothbrush and she got to work. One of these has got to be Neville's, Z thought as she scrubbed the dirtiest, smelliest cauldron. She knew Snape was watching her, but she didn't look up. It was way past midnight when she was finally allowed to leave. Aching and sad, she trudged upstairs to bed. Oh, how she hated Snape. She flopped down on her bed without undressing and began to dream of a way to get Snape back.


	8. Chapter 8: Hot and Bothered

"Okay," Z said at breakfast, "we could turn his robes pink! Or we could hug him all the time!" Harry, Ron and Hermione were helping her with her plans. Z was planning to pay Snape back!

"You could pretend to be in love with him?" Harry said, with a wink. Z laughed boyishly and told him to piss off. Harry looked offended so Z agreed to do it. The only question was when.  
>"Get a detention with him and do it then!" Hermione said, grinning. Z's grin broadened and she began to plan a way to get a detention with Snape. The opportunity came the very next day!<p>

"Miss Johnson, you know fine well that you are not allowed food in class!" Snape said, getting frustrated. This was the third time he'd had to tell her and she was just NOT LISTENING! Z ignored him and carried on eating her mince pie. She offered him some and giggled in delight at the sight of his face.  
>"Miss Johnson, detention on Tuesday at eight o'clock!" Snape roared. Z thought of an awesome prank and pulled out her planner, saying,<p>

"No, sorry, Snape. I can't do Tuesday. I'm busy. How about Thursday?"  
>"No, miss Johnson, Tuesday."<br>"Okay, fine!" Z began to snore, a small playing on her lips.

"Miss Johnson!" Snape began.

"Yes?"

"Have you been listening to anything I've said?"

"Nope, why would I want to do that?

"Johnson, repeat what I said, please"

"Why would I do that, sir?"

"Would you like to leave, Johnson?"

"Nope, why would I do that?"

"Get. Out!" Snape said, gritting his teeth.

"Sorry, Severus!" Z said, barely concealing her mirth

"MISS-"

"Okay, can I call you Sevviekins then?"

"JOHNSON!"

"Sevvie – poo then?"

"Another peep out of you –"

"Peep! Precious Sevvie poo?"

"I'm warning you-"

"Little precious Sevvie poo kins then?"  
>"one thousand point from Gryffindor," Snape declared, causing the class to burst out laughing and to cap it all, Z screamed at the top of her lungs<p>

"TWO THOUSAND POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN!"

"DETENTION!" Snape screamed! Z just laughed and laughed and laughed!


	9. Chapter 9: A song to Snape

"Z that was amazing!" Harry yelled, tearing down the hall, "Oh my God, you are brill!"

"Yeah," Rona and Hermione agreed, grinning like Cheshire cats. Z drank in all the glory and wished that it would never end. I wonder what would happen if I wandered into Snape's office, like, ten minutes late, staring like an imbecile, not knowing what I've done wrong when he glares at me, Z thought, grinning at the sight. When she told the others, they all cheered and slapped her back.

"You're awesome, Z!" Harry said, smiling. Z smiled back. Phase two was commencing. To help ease the nervousness, Z began to sing her favourite song, _I kissed a girl_, but instead of the words _'I kissed a girl'_ she sang _I kissed a teacher _so the song went like this:

"_This was never the way I planned__  
><em>_not my intention__  
><em>_I got so brave, drink in hand__  
><em>_Lost my discretion__  
><em>_It's not what, I'm used to__  
><em>_Just wanna try you on__  
><em>_I'm curious for you__  
><em>_Caught my attention___

_I kissed a teacher and I liked it_

_The taste of her cherry chap sticks,  
>I kissed a teacher just to try it<em>

_I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
>It felt so wrong<br>It felt so right  
>it don't mean I'm in love tonight<br>I kissed a teacher and I liked it_

_I liked it_

_No, I don't even know your name  
>It does matter<br>Your my experimental game  
>Just human nature<br>It's not what, good girls do  
>not how they should behave<br>My head gets so confused__  
>Hard to obey<em>

_I kissed a teacher and I liked it_

_The taste of her cherry chaps tick  
>I kissed a teacher just to try it<em>

_I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
>It felt so wrong<br>It felt so right  
>don't I'm in love tonight<br>I kissed a teacher and I liked it_

_I liked it_

_Us girls we are so magical,  
>soft skin, red lips, so kissable<em>_  
>hard to resist, so touchable<br>too good to deny it  
>Ain't no big deal, it's innocent<br>I kissed a teacher and I liked it_

_The taste of her cherry chaps tick, I kissed a teacher just to try it_

_I hope my boyfriend don't mind it  
>It felt so wrong<br>It felt so right  
>don't I'm in love tonight<br>I kissed a teacher and I liked it_

_I liked it!" _When she finished, many of the students were staring at her as though she were crazy. Ignoring them, she began to think of what it would be like to kiss Snape. Naw, she thought, what am I thinking? Snorting at her own stupidity, Z headed towards Snape's office, half an hour late.


	10. Chapter 10: Finally

"Enter!" a deep voice said when Z knocked on Snape's door. She entered and sat down, grinning.

"So," said Snape, scowling, "you think it funny to turn up half an hour late for your detention, grinning?" Z feigned thought for a moment before answering. Snape looked taken aback. He stroked his chin and stared at her. He knew that she was a trouble maker.  
>"You will be writing lines for me tonight," Snape said, his eyebrow raised, "on the blackboard." Z picked up the chalk and waited for him to tell her what to write.<br>"I want," Snape said, quietly, "you to write 'I must not be cheeky or rude!' Go!" Z picked up the chalk and began to write. Suddenly, a thought popped into Z's head. She began to draw Snape perfectly, trying not to giggle. She drew tiny love hearts with the message 'meet me in the room of requirements at nine thirty, my love!' Without looking up Snape told her to go. Z did as she was told, giggling. Just wait till you see that, Snape, Z thought.

Snape stood staring at the drawing.  
>"That cheeky, good-for-nothing, cow!" he roared. He would have to pay her back, somehow, somewhere. He thought for a moment before coming to a brilliant plant.<p>

Z was just dropping off to sleep when a bucket of ice-cold water was dumped on her. Shivering and screaming, she tore down the hall to Snape's office. She burst through the door, effing and blinding. Snape took one look at her in her see through shirt and boxer shorts with her hair hanging all scraggly and – I swear I'm not messing with you – laughed. Yes, my friends, he laughed.  
>"You fff-"<br>"Flabbergasted! That's what I am!" Snape roared laughing so hard he almost wet himself. Z began to sob as the pain hit her chest. She was drowning in cold. Her fingers were numb and she couldn't feel her limbs. Snape had suddenly stopped laughing and had come over to embrace her. A shocked Z tried to push him away, but he held on. As she looked up Snape planted a warm, cosy kiss on her lips.  
>"I love, Ziva Johnson," he said, "I always have." And with that he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her so hard, she thought she would snap.<p>

The end


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